We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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