Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When are your genitals available?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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