You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
