drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
