That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
