I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
