it was like having sex with a tree stump
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
