Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize