My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
