It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
