she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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