He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
