how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
