The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
