How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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