If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Houston, we have a squirter
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
