i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
