She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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