wakey wakey hands off snakey
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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