"it" just moved
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The air taste purple.
Randomize
