waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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