definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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