non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
