my mouth tastes like poor choices
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sober January is a disaster.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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