i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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