I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
