we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
