She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
