Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
