apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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