They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
