ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
