five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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