Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The beer is more important than you right now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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