Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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