oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
