That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
