i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
