I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
