So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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