went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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