I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
