I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
