were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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