So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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