and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
