ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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