You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
