so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
