i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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